Welcome To Our Bank, But Next Time Leave Your Cap & Sunglasses In the Car

The whole thing started innocently enough.

I thought.

The midweek sportswriters' lunch, where I dined on lightly-fried tofu with mixed vegetables in brown sauce, steamed rice, two crab rangoons and lots of Chinese tea, was over.

The guys in our group had all gone their separate ways on a very nice October afternoon.

I wanted to make a couple of stops before I went home.

I went to the Post Office to buy a book of postage stamps, and picked the Walt Disney variety that have pictures of Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Cinderella and the rest of the gang on them.

Then I went to one of my banks in West Des Moines, where I've done business for 15 years or so.

My job was to deposit a check for more than $4,000 into one of my accounts, and I figured that would make the folks working in the bank happy.

Desposits are always better than withdrawals as far as a banker is concerned, right?

I signed my name to the back of the check and took it up to Miss Smiley Face behind the counter.

As I usually do whenever I do any business at a bank, I put my Iowa driver's license -- my new, 2-year license that's issued to people who are...well, let's put it this way...a bit more mature than some of the others who qualify for 5-year licenses these days -- on the counter, along with the check and the deposit slip.

Everything was going well.

Miss Smiley Face gave me my receipt, then said, "Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

"No, that takes care of it," I said. "It's beautiful day out there, so I hope you get to enjoy some of it."

As I headed to the door of the bank so I could walk back to my car, I heard my name -- or at least a version of my name -- being called.

Since I was the only customer in the place, I figured somebody wanted me to stop.

"Mr. MAY-Lee! Mr. MAY-Lee!" a stern female voice dressed in business clothing said.

The plump woman reminded me of one of my seventh-grade teachers. She sounded like one of them, too.

You must understand that being called Mr. MAY-Lee didn't surprise me one bit.

Even though my name is supposed to be pronounced as though it were spelled Malley -- "like O'Malley without the 'O'," I tell people -- it's often pronounced MAY-Lee because there's just one "L" in Maly.

It doesn't bother me. I've come to expect it.

Anyway, I whirled around when I heard the second "Mr. MAY-Lee" from the schoolmarm-type woman.

"Yes?" I said.

"I'm the assistant manager of the bank," she said. "Maybe you didn't see the sign we have posted on the door, but I would like to ask a favor of you.

"Would you please not wear a cap or sunglasses the next time you're in this bank."

I was wearing a black baseball cap with the word and numbers "Guinness, 1759" on the front, and dark glasses.

They weren't sunglasses; they were tinted prescription glasses. I wear the blue version and the gray versions much of the time.

As for the rest of my clothing, I was wearing navy blue sweatpants, a dark gray crewneck sweatshirt, a black, insulated sleeveless vest, patterned flannel boxer underwear shorts, gray socks and some Sketchers sports shoes I had bought for our trip to California last summer, and of which I'm kind of proud.

With that attire, I fit right in at our sportswriters' lunch at the Oriental restaurant.

When you take a look at the way I showed up at the bank in the photo at the left, don't you think I come across as your Uncle Charlie who likes to go on fishing trips to Minnesota? Or the guy you see at the hardware store on Saturday morning? Or the grandpa at the soccer and Little League baseball games?

Now, at the bank, my brain suddenly began working overtime.

I recalled that this bank had been held up at least once in recent months.

Maybe even at gunpoint.

I tried to not sound unhappy when I got stopped.

"I know why you're saying those things to me," I told the woman impersonating my seventh-grade teacher.

"And I also know my picture is probably being taken by a hidden camera right now, so I'm going to smile."

"Thank you. You're right," Seventh-Grade Teacher said.

When I got outdoors, I looked at the sign on the door. It said the bank didn't want customers wearing caps or sunglasses unless we wore them "for medical reasons."

That's nice.

I spent the rest of the day thinking about the incident at the bank, and obviously I'm still thinking about it now.

I mentioned it to one of my daughters-in-law this morning.

I said the assistant manager at the bank wanted me to do her a favor.

"Did she want you to autograph one of your books for her?" my daughter-in-law asked.

That's happened at other places before.

"Not this time," I said.

Then I told her the rest of the story.

"Will that make a difference on whether you continue doing business at that bank?" she asked.

"Maybe," I said.

*

Bank cartoon courtesy of www.CartoonStock.com

You're Getting It All Today: Doreen & Skeeter Wilber, Scottish Highlanders, Marching Bands, the World Series, High School Football Playoffs

Two sound-thinkers who always have a lot on their minds -- longtime newspaper and Internet columnist Chuck Offenburger and play-by-play radio announcer Scott Pierce -- check in with me today via e-mail:

Hey Ron...

"I've been on the road, but I really appreciated your column after the death of Doreen Wilber of our county seat town of Jefferson. We moved into Greene County four years ago, and I was always hoping that I could get together with Doreen and Skeeter to hear their Olympics stories first hand. Alas, she was just too ill the last couple of years, and I never got to have the conversation. Thanks to you for re-publishing your story about when she went into the D.M. Register's Iowa Sports Hall of Fame. Reading it was almost as good as talking to her would have been. I was amazed to read that Skeeter stayed home from the Olympics to work, and that he first learned about Doreen's gold medal in an announcement on radio. That tells you about what a different time it was. Another fun vignette about that, my pal Rick Morain, the longtime editor and publisher of the Jefferson Bee & Herald, says that when Wilber won gold, it was the only time in his long newspaper career that he actually ran into the back room screaming, 'Stop the presses! Stop the presses!'

"Second thing, be sure to catch my new column about the marching band and football scene at the College of Wooster. I thought of you several times during that weekend, with all the Scottish music and regalia. I still remember you uniforming up and marching with the Scottish Highlanders at the U of I! [Oh, despite what the headline might infer on my column, I did not actually march with the Wooster band, just trailed alongside pestering them.]"

Chuck O.

[RON MALY'S COMMENTS: I always enjoy Chuck Offenburger's columns and his insight into what's going on around the state and nation. Chuck [pictured at the right], of course, wrote the popular "Iowa Boy" column for many years at the Des Moines Register, and was one of the best-known people in the state. He was such an influence in the lives of Iowans that he maybe should have run for governor. You can read his Internet columns at www.Offenburger.com. Chuck writes just as well, if not better, now than when he and I worked in the Register newsroom together for many years. Chuck is a guy who is, and has been, interested in marching bands for a long, long time. I always enjoyed it when he attended Iowa-Iowa State football games and made comparisons on which university had the best marching band. His reference to the Scottish Highlanders was in connection to my "guest appearance" with them a number of years ago. The Highlanders used to march at Hawkeye home football games, and they were a novel group, indeed. During the time Iowa had non-winning football records for 19 conescutive seasons [from 1962-1980], Gene Raffensperger, then my boss in the sports department, suggested that I march with the Highlanders at halftime of a game and write a story for the Sunday Register about it. I've reprinted the story a time or two in these columns, and it was a thoroughly refreshing experience to appear with them in Kinnick Stadium. I mentioned to Offenburger that Cole, my 14-year-old grandson, a student at Southwoods Freshman High School in West Des Moines, is now a drummer in the Valley High School marching band, and that's one reason I still have a strong interest in bands. Indeed, I told Chuck that our family tries to watch the Iowa marching band do its warmup in the Recreation Building at Iowa City before it appears at Hawkeye games. We also watch the drumline section of the band [pictured at the top] do its morning warmup near the stadium. "I've been to those Hawkeye marching band warmups in the Rec Building several times, and they are terrific -- sometimes the most fun part of the day!" Offenburger wrote me. "That's cool that your grandson is in the Valley band. Are they still called the Marchmasters? Talk about a tradition!" Indeed, the Valley band is still called the Marchmasters. It's impressive when their large truck, with VALLEY MARCHMASTERS in huge letters, is parked next to the Valley Stadium on game nights. The Valley band is, and always has been, one of the best in the state and the midwest].

*

Here's Scott Pierce's e-mail:

Ron:

"First of all, the Rays are not in a 'must win' situation, in my opinion. It takes 4 games to win this thing. Many teams have come back from 2-0 down. The '85 Royals did it down 2-0 and going on the road for 3.

"Second thought....I don't care about whether a sporting event is rated high across the country. While the Red Sox would have been a higher rating, it wouldn't have been for me. I care about what I like. And when I did talk radio, I only cared about what MY audience cared about. I didn't give a rats what the big markets went for. I hope that makes sense.

"Third thought.....This is my annual pet peeve about the Iowa high school football playoffs. The expansion to 32 teams per class is idiotic. In Class 4A, only 16 teams will be left OUT of the playoffs. My buddy Bob Dyer calls this 'socialized sports.'

"But here's the bigger gripe. To get to the semifinals, a team will play [tonight], Wednesday, the following Monday, then the following Friday. That's 4 games in 2 weeks. Is that safe for the kids? Is playing on a Wednesday night, then a Monday night in their best interests? The IHSAA has preached for years that no teams will be asked to travel more than 100 miles because it's not in the kids best interests. Well, whose best interests are being served now?"

Scott Pierce

[RON MALY'S COMMENTS: I wrote yesterday that Tampa Bay was in a "must-win" situation last night in its World Series with Philadelphia. The last thing the Rays, who won Thursday night's game, 4-2, needed was to go to Philly down, 2-0, in the best-of-seven series. It was bad enough that the Ray lost the opener, 3-2, in their home ballpark. As for the high school football playoffs, it does seem that teams in the playoffs are going to very, very busy, and the players had better be in superb condition if they're going to survive the schedule they face. However, my son tells me that ALL high school teams in Minnesota qualify for the playoffs, so Iowa certainly isn't alone in the expansion. Pierce [pictured at the left] is the play-by-play radio announcer for Drake's women's basketball team, and I mentioned to him that the season wasn't far away. "8 days, 14 hours, 6 minutes, 43 seconds away until basketball season," he wrote in an e-mail that was sent to me at 10:58 p.m. Thursday].

'Silent George' & Other Stuff

The New York Yankees are saying they want to play the Chicago Cubs in an exhibition game next April 6 at the new $1.6 billion [how about those numbers?] ballpark they're building.

That would be the first game ever played in the new Yankee Stadium [pictured above]. The regular-season opener there won't be until April 16 against Cleveland.

Frankly, I can see why the Yankees want to play the Cubs in the first game at the new park.

Neither team will be playing at the end of the season, so why not play at the start?

The Cubs never get to the World Series anymore, and wouldn't win one if they did advance that far.

The Yankees spend more money than the national debt every year and still didn't even get into the playoffs this season.

Besides, the Yankees would like Lou Piniella, the Cubs' manager, to show up at their new ballpark.

It might be the only time they ever see him there again. Sweet Lou isn't getting any younger, and his days as a baseball manager are definitely numbered.

After what happened to his team in 2008, Piniella's tenure in baseball is getting shorter all the time.

*

Incidentally, I don't think there's any way the Cubs can stand pat and not make some trades in the off-season.

Sure, they won the National League Central in a runaway over Milwaukee, Houston, St. Louis and every other ragtag team in that division.

But, just as in 2007, they collapsed in the first round of the playoffs.

They didn't fire a shot against the Dodgers this year, nor last year against Arizona.

Even if the Cubs manage to win the Central title again in 2009, there's no way I'd want them to go into the playoffs with the same team they had this year.

How many more times can we watch Derrek Lee, Aramis Ramirez, Alfonso Soriano and Kosuke Fukudome screw things up?

Lee has to go. I'd like to see Soriano out, too. Certainly the same with Fukudome, who was in the 2008 All-Star game, then was such a hapless hitter in the second half of the season that he was an embarrassment to himself and his team.

The Cubs need a left-handed hitting first baseman, but I'm not sure Micah Hoffpauir is the answer.

They need a left-handed hitting rightfielder, but not Fukudome [pictured at the right].

They need a left-handed hitting centerfielder, but not Jim Edmonds.

Now that general manager Jim Hendry has a new four-year contract, he's got time to find all of those parts.

*

I haven't spent much time lately wondering where George Hendrick was or is, but now I know that he's going to be in the World Series that starts tonight.

Hendrick [pictured at the left] is the first base coach for the Tampa Bay Rays.

Whether he talks to anybody these days is anybody's guess.

I covered the man they called "Silent George" in the late-1960s at what then was known as Sec Taylor Stadium, and should still be known as Sec Taylor Stadium, in Des Moines.

George was an outfielder for the Iowa Oaks, then an Oakland farm team.

Writing about that team wasn't my favorite thing to do in those days. It ranked right up there with covering the auto races at the State Fairgrounds on Saturday night.

And Gartner wasn't even there yet. At Sec Taylor Stadium, I mean.

I occasionally filled in for Bill Bryson at the ballpark because Bill, for some reason, thought he should have one night a week off.

After one game, I once asked Hendrick a question in the clubhouse, and he began shouting, "No! No! No!"

He wrapped a towel around himself and ran toward the shower.

That was the strangest response I'd ever gotten to a question since I asked an Iowa State basketball player whose name I've forgotten something after a game in Ames.

The guy stared at me and said nothing.

Not that night or any following night.

I don't think anyone had ever asked him anything previously.

As for Hendrick, I never again asked him anything.

I later heard he didn't talk to anyone in those days.

By the way, I didn't name him "Silent George." Somebody else did.

*

One reason I wanted to make sure I pointed out to my readers that Silent George will be in the World Series is so the copy editors in the sports department at the Des Moines Register are aware of his presence.

They're forever editing the fact into stories that some major leaguer is a "former Iowa Cub."

The trouble is, they only former Iowa Cubs they're aware of are guys who played since 2000.

There are a hell of a lot of baseball players who played in Des Moines before the turn of the century, and they're still hitting and pitching the ball pretty well.

*

By the way, among others who played in for the Iowa Oaks at about the same time as Silent George were Tony LaRussa, Joe Rudi and Vida Blue.

Pretty fair baseball names.

It's Possible for Iowa To Run the Table

Iowa City, Ia. -- I keep changing my mind about Iowa's football team.

After predicting before the season began that the Hawkeyes would to 8-4 and play in a bowl game, I later wondered if they'd finish under .500.

My pessimism followed the consecutive early-season losses to Pittsburgh, Northwestern and Michigan State -- certainly not a who's who of collegiate football power.

Now, however, I'm thinking Iowa can win the rest of its regular-season games.

That's right, I've observed so much improvement in this team that I can see it winning at Illinois and Minnesota and beating Penn State and Purdue in Iowa City.

That would put Kirk Ferentz and his players at 9-3 heading into what would be a very attractive bowl game.

Of the four remaining games, the toughest could be the Nov. 22 finale at Minnesota.

It will be the last collegiate game in the Metrodome in Minneapolis [Minnesota is building a new on-campus stadium in which the Gophers will play outdoors instead of indoors at the Metrodome], and Iowa-Minnesota games are always emotional anyway.

I certainly can see Iowa winning at Illinois, which will always be beatable as long as Ron Zook is the coach, and against Penn State, where Joe Paterno usually screws up a couple of games or more each season -- whether he's coaching from the press box or on the field.

Purdue is terrible, so that'll be no problem.

I'm not saying a 4-0 finish is a given, but it's possible.

It's up to the players and coaches to make sure it happens.

*

Speaking of the Big Ten, I can't believe how bad Wisconsin has gotten this season. The Badgers were very ordinary in Saturday's 38-16 loss to Iowa, and I don't see things getting much better very soon in Bret Bielema's [pictured at the left] program.

*

These are also tough days at Iowa State. It makes me wonder -- again -- why Dan McCarney [pictured at the right] was fired as the Cyclones' coach. If there's been some improvement in the Cyclones' program since, I wish somebody would point it out to me.

*

The best little baseball story in America has suddenly gone sour. Tampa Bay is doing everything possible to ruin a scenario that I thought could result in the Rays seizing the World Series.

If the Red Sox win tonight's American League playoff game, Tampa Bay won't even be in the World Series.

What a shame.

*

A guy told me he saw Marc Hansen wandering through the Kinnick Stadium press box yesterday.

I wondered if he was going to be on the field after the game to see if Bret Bielema was again going to call an opposing coach a "big prick."

That's what Bielema, then an Iowa linebacker, called Iowa State's Jim Walden after his final game against the Cyclones in 1992.

Hansen somehow talked his editors into letting him use the term "big prick" in his newspaper column the day after the game.

Bielema later was ordered to apologize to Walden, but I actually didn't see anything wrong with what he called a guy who often talked a big game but was never able to beat Iowa.

I didn't get around to seeing Hansen in the press box yesterday, probably because I spent so much time visiting with Derek and Rhonda Hill in their luxury box elsewhere in the press box.

Maybe next time.

*

While in Iowa City, I talked to a guy who attended the Register's 20-Year Club get-together a week ago.

I skipped it because I had more important things to do. I think my grandchildren had a soccer game or something that afternoon.

Anyway, I asked about the program at the retirees' lunch.

"Good food," I was told.

Nothing was said, though, about the speaker.

Rumor [unconfirmed, of course] has it there was an empty speakers' platform and Carol Hunter, editor of the paper's editorial pages, was behind the microphone.

I Hope Valley Wins the State 4-A Football Title, But the No. 1-Ranked Tigers May Not Even Be the Best Team In the Metro

I've been writing all season about how the Des Moines Register screws Valley High School of West Des Moines, the football team it has ranked as the best in class 4-A.

Because the Tigers have been shortchanged by the paper [like getting one paragraph after some victories], I've had to get information on their road games from the stories carried in newspapers in such cities as Newton and Mason City.

I suppose nothing the paper does on Valley is going to make me happy. I mean Dan McCool -- a reporter who is as good as the paper has -- covered the Tigers in last night's 24-17 victory over Waukee at Valley Stadium [pictured at the right], and did his usual stellar job.

However, the editors buried the story back on page 6.

Ridiculous.

I certainly disagreed with the headline, which said, No. 1 Valley rolls on with win over Waukee

Rolls on? You've got to be kidding me.

Valley's players were in the fight of their football lives against Waukee.

This easily could have been a game that Waukee won.

The Warriors had a pass intercepted in the end zone and coughed up the ball on fumbles in front of a huge crowd.

Had those things not happened, Valley would be 6-1, not 7-0.

I've seen most of the Tigers' home games, and I'm not sure they're the best team in the metro, let alone the state.

For all I know, Johnston -- which also is 7-0 -- is the best team in the state.

We'll all find out, of course. The playoffs are just around the corner.

I hope Valley wins the 4-A championship, but I'm not confident of that happening.

Gary Swenson is sthe winningest football coach ever at Valley. Lee Crawford passed the torch to him in a ceremony on the field before last night's game.

Swenson has done a sensational job at the school. Other guys who coached Valley either couldn't beat Dowling or lost the big one in the playoffs at the UNI Dome in Cedar Falls.

Swenson has proved Valley can win the 4-A championship, and his team obviously will be among the favorites this year.

Whether Valley can win it all remains to be seen. Like I said, I'm not sure yet if the Tigers are even the best team in the area.

And I wouldn't bet you a bus token yet that Valley can beat City High of Iowa City if and when that matchup happens in the playoffs. City High has an outstanding football tradition on its side, and is very strong this season.

Stuff like that is what makes high school football in this state the major story it is. A newspaper that continues losing favor and circulation in the community and the state is a negative, but journalism critics keep telling me that young people don't read papers anyway -- so they don't expect anything except page 6 coverage on a morning when, unbelievably, mention is made of a struggling, below-average-at-best Iowa football team trying to stay in [pardon the expression] bowl contention and a a hockey team that rarely draws flies at Wells Fargo Arena is spread across the top of page 1.

*

I don't know many football fans from Ottumwa or North Des Moines subscribe to the Register, but they didn't have much to read about their teams today.

In a roundup of high school games on page 6 of the sports section, it says:

Ottumwa 41, North 7

Ottumwa, Ia. -- Final statistics were not provided to the Register.

Great stuff, huh?

Well, here's the Ottumwa-North story from the Ottumwa Courier:

Bulldogs win to set up East showdown

By KELLY TERPSTRA, Courier sports writer

OTTUMWA — Ottumwa senior Kyle Ward had two words to describe the pace of his Bulldog’s homecoming football contest versus Des Moines North on Friday night.

“Very long,” said the starting Bulldog center.

It was a late night for all involved in a 41-7 victory for head coach Zach Wigle’s Bulldogs. The game did not get over until 10:30 p.m, well past the usual stoppage time for a prep football contest.

The win pushed Ottumwa to 4-3 overall and 3-0 in the CIML Metro.

“The game started late with the freshman game not getting over early and homecoming festivities. A lot of penalties were called and I guess they just didn’t want to go home,” said Wigle.

The victory sets up a showdown at Des Moines East next week, with the winner almost certainly assured a conference crown with just one game to go in the regular season.

“That’s the one we’ve been playing for,” said Wigle.

Ottumwa struck first on a 30-yard interception return for a touchdown by junior safety Nick Donlin. The pick-sick was Ottumwa’s fourth defensive score for a touchdown.

Ottumwa junior cornerback Michael Wetrich has the other three. Wetrich did not play as he was not able to get back in time after helping his Bulldog boys golf squad to a first-place standing after day one of the Class 4A State Tournament.

Ottumwa rushed for almost 300 yards and was led by senior tailback Adam Bowling’s 117 yards. Bowling scored Ottumwa’s final touchdown of the first half to make it 26-7 at the break.

After Donlin’s game-changing play, North hooked up on 80-yard screen pass for six points after Lance McGregory raced into the end zone on the right sideline.

That would be all the scoring North could muster, as the Bulldog defense came up with several key stops, none bigger than Ottumwa senior cornerback Alex Kelly’s breakup of a fourth-and-goal pass.

Ottumwa also forced a safety, those two points tacked on to the scoreboard to make it 28-7.

OHS junior quarterback Adam Goodvin completed only four passes on the night but three went for touchdowns. He hooked up with senior wideout and all-state candidate Clint Utter for two of the scores. Utter hauled in a nine-yard score on a fade route with 2:38 left in the first quarter to give OHS a 14-7 lead. Utter broke loose with 5:36 left in the third on a post route and took it the distance for a 50-yard convergence with the goal line.

Goodvin’s final touchdown pass went to junior wingback Ben Lott for 10 yards in the final quarter.

*

I earlier mentioned one of the hockey teams in town -- the one with the embarrassing and ridiculous nickname of Iowa Chops.

They were all over page 1 [as well as page 3] of the paper this morning, whether they deserved it or not.

My question the other day was what happened to Lisa Colonna [pictured at the left], the reporter who covered the hockey teams -- all of them -- the pro basketball team in town, No-Name baseball team, the Drake football team and maybe even participated in the Sally Mason coverage in Iowa City and the Parkersburg tornado.

I wondered if Lisa was on vacation. I wondered if she'd found work in the mailroom at Wells Fargo. I wondered if she was waiting on tables at Village Inn.

Biz Buzz certainly shed no light on where Lisa was. But, hell, Biz Buzz didn't say anything about Jane Norman being dumped from the Register's Washington Bureau either. I guess Biz Buzz was too busy trying to find out everybody's birthday.

Biz Buzz also didn't say anything about Brandon Cleaver -- the guy who didn't know the University of Northern Iowa is in Cedar Falls, not Rapids -- was dumped from the sports department and was supposed to be a "zones" reporter.

Now Cleaver has left the paper and, I guess, the area.

Anyway, I missed Lisa's sports blogs. I missed her coverage of all two dozen Des Moines teams she covered.

It turns out Lisa, sadly, is no longer a sportswriter.

"I now cover Des Moines' south side for the Register," she writes in the online version of the paper. "You may remember me from the sports section, where my main beat was hockey. I'm a Des Moines native and have worked at the Register since May 2000."

So Lisa still has a blog. Man, I don't know what we'd do without that.

*

Now I'm wondering what happened to Workbytes.

I haven't seen that lately either.

I'll see if Biz Buzz has something on it soon. If not, I'll find out and report back to you.

The Classic Case Of a Dad Trying To Tell a Collegiate Football Coach How To Do His Job

To me, this football mess at Iowa State sounds like the classic case of "A Father Trying to Tell the Coach How To Do His Job."

It was Phillip Bates, sr. -- the father of Phillip Bates, jr., who yesterday informed the Iowa State athletic department that his son was quitting the football team, effective immediately.

Bates also requested a scholarship release from the school -- something he will get.

Frankly, I wouldn't want Bates, jr., [pictured at the right] around if his dad kept getting in the way of the decision-making.

Young Bates didn't play in the Cyclones' 35-33 loss last Saturday to Kansas, so now he has quit the team.

The announcement was made by his dad.

This isn't something new, of course. Fathers of players get involved with football decisions -- basketball decisions and maybe volleyball decisions, too -- often at the college level.

Every dad wants the best for his kid. That goes for me, too.

But, in the end, it's got to be the coach who decides who his quarterback is -- or who any of his other starters are.

It's hard telling how many phone calls have been made in the past by Phillip Bates, sr., to Iowa State's athletic department, wondering when Phillip Bates, jr., was going to get more playing time.

I certainly wouldn't want that headache if I was a coach.

It's best for all concerned that young Bates gets a fresh start somewhere else.

I'm sure the father of Jake Christensen, the quarterback who lost his starting job at Iowa, isn't doing cartwheels over coach Kirk Ferentz's decision to bench his kid.

I'm sure Jake isn't all that thrilled about it, either, that Ricky Stanzi is the No. 1 quarterback and that he [Christensen] didn't play a minute in last week's 16-13 loss at Michigan State.

It's anybody's guess where Christensen will be at this time next season.

I'm just happy he didn't pack his bags and go back home the minute it was evident to him that Stanzi was Ferentz's guy.

Of Bates, jr., Iowa State coach Gene Chizik [picured at the left] said on the school's athletic website, “I am disappointed that Phillip is quitting our team.

"Although I understand his desire to be a starting quarterback, I am extremely disappointed that he is quitting two days prior to a game.

"However, we will give him his release, continue to support him academically and honor his scholarship for the rest of the fall semester.”

Bates, an Omaha native, played in four games this season at quarterback and completed 11 of 24 passes for 137 yards and two touchdowns.

He was the Cyclones’ second-leading rusher with 166 yards. As a true freshman in 2007, Bates caught five passes while playing receiver.

Adios, Phillip, jr., my boy. I mean Phillip, jr., Phillip, sr.'s boy.

I hope you didn't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.

Iowa State's football program will somehow get along without you.

'Coach, Don't Worry About a Thing. If You Fall On Your Face and Win Just 25 Games, We'll Still Love You'

The Paul Morrison Room in the Knapp Center was full of reporters and people acting like reporters [pictured above] when first-year Drake basketball coach Mark Phelps talked about his team.

The only person missing was Morrison,the 90-year-old Drake historian who was probably running a 10K somewhere on the campus.

The way I figured, it must have been an official press conference because even Jim Ecker of the Cedar Rapids Gazette [shown in the foreground, wearing the red sweater] was present.

Phelps [shown in the AP photo at the top] is taking over for Keno Davis, whose 2007-2008 Bulldogs had a school-record 28-5 record.

So what are Drake's fans expecting this season?

"One guy told me, 'Coach, we won 28 games last season. Don't worry about a thing. If you fall on your face and win just 25, we'll still love you,'" Phelps joked.

At least I think he was joking. One of the Bulldogs' newcomers is No. 5, Sean Jones, a 6-11, 225-pound freshman from Carson City, Mich., who is shown doing a TV interview in the photo.

Last season's success has brought about record interest from television. Athletic director Sandy Hatfield Clubb said the Bulldogs will appear five times on ESPNU and once on ESPN2.

"The game on ESPN2 is against Northern Iowa on Saturday, Jan. 17, at the Knapp Center, starting at 11:05 a.m.," Sandy said.

"On ESPNU, we will play at Iowa State Dec. 9,, Dec. 20 here against Iowa, Jan. 4 at Southern Illinois, Jan. 11 here against Wichita State, and Feb. 15 here against Illinois State." A number of Drake's games will be televised by Mediacom and Fox.

Face It, This Baseball Team Needs To Be Broken Up

The last thing I thought I'd be doing is sitting at the computer on Oct. 3 and writing that it's time to break up the Chicago Cubs.

Not because they're so good, but because they're so bad.

Give us a new look. Please.

I mean, trade away guys like Derrek Lee, Alfonso Soriano, Ronny Cedeno and maybe even boyish-looking, but weak-armed shortstop Ryan Theriot. Get some 20- and 22-year-old kids who can run, hit and throw. The front office will immediately save millions of dollars. Dump pitching coach Larry Rothschild and reliever Bob Howry. Certainly don't sign Jim Edmonds again. Find a way to get out of the contract with Kosuke Fukudome. Make Carlos Marmol the closer. Send Carlos Zambrano to a shrink and find out if he's worth saving. If he isn't, trade him for two or three young arms this winter. Release Daryle Ward. Send Jason Marquis packing -- and try to get a class AA pitcher in return. OK, I guess a class A pitcher would do. Maybe even a batboy.

You don't need me to tell this is a horrible ending to a 2008 baseball season that should be seeing the Cubs not just advancing to the World Series, but winning it.

But after 7-2 and 10-3 losses to the Los Angeles Dodgers in the first two games of the National League playoffs, it's ugly at Wrigley. Thank goodness there won't be any more games there this year. The fans have booed the team out of town, and the players deserve it.

All of us can finally pull the plug on the Cubs' season when they lose Saturday's game at Dodger Stadium.

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Frankly, I don't see how the Cubs' management can afford to keep this team intact.

The ballclub couldn't hit while being swept by Arizona in three games last year, and it hasn't hit in two lopsided losses to the Dodgers this year.

This is a total embarrassment.

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Third baseman Aramis Ramirez is one of the few guys I'd insist on keeping.

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Lee's nickname should be "4-6-3."

That means he's an expert rally-killer by hitting into a second-baseman-to-shortstop-to-first-baseman double play.

Lee strikes out far too much for me. Far too often he bats like he doesn't have a clue.

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As I wrote on my twitter site 30 seconds after last night's game, the Cubs couldn't catch, run, throw or hit.

Otherwise, they were decent.

Indecent, I mean.

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Management has to find a place for Soriano to go. He's not helping this team one bit.

He's being paid $136 million or $136 billion, I'm not sure. He's booed just as often as Marquis.

The trouble is, a team like the Yankees is the only place that can afford Soriano, and they've already had him.

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I'm wondering if Lou Piniella is the guy I want managing a team in the playoffs.

Sometimes he acts like he belongs in an assisted living facility.

In fact, I wonder if general manager Jim Hendry made the right decision on signing Piniella -- a guy who looks to me like he's ready to start cashing Social Security checks -- through the 2010 season.

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I guess I'm wondering why Piniella would want to manage two more seasons when he could be enjoying life with his family in Florida.

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It's amazing to me that a team can win 97 games, win its National League Central division by 7 1/2 games and play as lousy as it has against the Dodgers.

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The Cubs were so uptight in the second inning against the Dodgers, when they fell behind, 5-0, that you could've cut through the tension at Wrigley Field with a blade of grass.

Every infielder in the Cubs' lineup made an error in the game.

It's beyond me how players who make millions of dollars can't catch ground-balls in a playoff game.

At times, it looked like a Little League game on any Saturday morning in the summer.

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I didn't care much for Ron Darling when he pitched for the New York Mets a number of years ago.

But I like the work he's doing for TBS in the Cubs' playoff games.

But, to show how far behind he is, he called the people who watched the Cubs at Wrigley Field during the time he was in uniform "great fans because they didn't boo their own players."

Now that's changed, of course. Cubs fans boo their own players regularly, and I'm all for it.

Those overpaid players deserve every boo they get.


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I don't know how much longer I can stand Dick Stockton's play-by-play work on TBS.

I'm about ready to mute the sound on the telecast and listen to Pat Hughes on the radio.

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Back to Kosuke Fukudome, the Cubs' rightfielder, for a minute.

I'm surprised Piniella used him in both of the games against the Dodgers at Wrigley Field.

The former standout in Japan has no idea what he's doing at the plate these days.

Pitchers caught up to him very early in the season, and he hasn't figured out the pitchers yet.

I wonder if he'll ever get his act together in this country.

Maybe Hendry should try to swing a deal where the Cubs send him back to Japan with no hard feelings on either side of the ocean.

Obviously, Fukudome is overmatched in the National League. It bothers me a lot that the fans are treating him the way they have in the last couple of months.

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This is difficult for me to say. Dusty Baker's management in a 2003 season that saw the Cubs come within five outs of making to the World Series doesn't look too bad right now.

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Bartman turned out to be pretty smart after all. I'll bet he was laughing the last two nights while drinking heavily as he watched on TV as the Cubs flopped.

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It's not every day that a St. Louis Cardinals fan jumps to the defense of a down-in-the-dumps Cubs follower, but that's exactly what happened later this morning.

Here's Scott Pierce's e-mail:

"A good game by Harden and the Cubs are right back into this.

"I read your stuff today. Want some bad news? There ain't nothin' the Cubs can do about Soriano, Fukudome & Marquis. If they get rid of them, they'll have to eat 50-75 percent of their contracts. No team will assume those deals. Okay, the Yankees, Mets, Red Sox, and Dodgers would. But they already have better players for less money. So, if the Cubs send them to a team in need, and eat a portion of their contracts, it will take them at least five years to recover.

"I think you're a little harsh on Lee and Soriano. I like both of them. Soriano can't find a position to play, but he can hit. The Cubs did a bad deal on Fukudome. He can't hit off speed pitches and pitches away from him. He gives himself up too fast with that left leg lunge. I saw that in June."

Scott

[RON MALY'S COMMENTS: Scott, I'll trade you the Cubs' entire starting lineup for Pujols. I'll fill in the rest of my lineup with players from No-Name Ballteam].

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Phoro of Cub fans booing their own players courtesy of Getty Images.